Windmills of my Mind

[likemy_role]

After returning from their weekend away JJ put the ring in the drawer of her bedside table. She couldn't put her thoughts away so easily. It was a long week, mostly spent in Idaho where an arsonist was burning down churches; they'd caught him, bot not before the death toll hit five. Most of her focus had been on the case, but in those few moments she could call her own her thoughts were on the ring and the answer that Dave was waiting for. He didn't mention it, but she could tell from the small looks and more distracted than usual behavior that it was heavy on his mind.

Dave had stayed late, working on reports that had piled up on his desk while they were gone. JJ had relieved the nanny and taken henry over to Garcia's for the night; she wanted some time alone with Dave. She'd started a pot roast in the crock pot that morning, and opened a bottle of wine so it could breathe; just because she couldn't drink any didn't mean that he should be denied the pleasure. There wasn't much else to do. JJ sat on the couch, but it had been a very long week and pretty soon sitting turned into laying down and 'resting' her eyes turned into a nap.

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[hell_ofa_thing]

The decadent smell of food greeted him when he walked into the house he shared with JJ; his stomach began to growl, and he smiled. He was about to say something when he noticed JJ asleep on the couch. There'd been a lot on both of their minds this last week, what with the case, and the proposal, and JJ's pregnancy. He knew she was even more fatigued because of the hormones running rampant in her body. Setting his briefcase down and removing his coat, he knelt on the couch beside her, stroking her hair gently.

Hoping to rouse her slowly, he kissed her forehead and said, "I'd hate to eat dinner alone, kitten."

[likemy_role]

JJ's eyes fluttered open briefly, enough to smile at him. Her eyes closed again and she stretched, letting one hand fall to rest on his shoulder. "Don't worry; the peanut won't let me skip a meal. We were just waiting for you."

[hell_ofa_thing]

He laughed lightly, then kissed her lips before standing up. He held her hand for a second while he spoke. "Just relax, I'll grab us some plates." Then he turned to walk away.

[likemy_role]

"Careful, Dave, I might get used to this being waited on hand and foot thing." She stretched once more before sitting up, feeling more refreshed. In the last month her little catnaps had become almost daily.

"I opened up a bottle of wine for you. It's on the corner of the counter. I'd love some, but the little one wants water." She wanted water, but laid bets with herself on him ignoring the request and bringing her milk instead. She didn't really like drinking milk unless it came alongside cookies, cake or brownies, but he'd been bringing her at least a glass a day since the week after they found out she was pregnant.

[hell_ofa_thing]

He set the plates down first. "It's not the worst thing you could get used to, especially since you've got a baby in there with you."

Then he poured himself a glass of wine and brought her two drinks: milk and water. "The kiddo actually wanted milk, so you'll have to compromise." He teased with a mischievous smirk.

And then he took a seat beside her, handing her one plate, and positioning the other in his lap.

[likemy_role]

"Do I? I thought i was just gaining weight from those chocolates that keep showing up in my desk drawer." She laughed as she took a bite of the pot roast. It was perfectly done.

"I think your baby telepathy is on the fritz; what the baby really was asking for was coffee or a Mr. Pibb." Maybe she wouldn't need the naps if she hadn't had to stop caffeine clod turkey. Not really true, but she missed her morning cup. And the mid morning one. And the afternoon one too.

[hell_ofa_thing]

He swallowed a bite of pot roast, humming his approval. "Those chocolates can stop appearing any time, if they're a bother." He knew that was the last thing she wanted, especially now.

"That kid's gonna have to wait a long time to taste either of those things." He took another few bites, then sipped his wine and leaned back against the couch cushions.

"I've been giving some thought lately to my next book." He paused, taking another bite of food. "I don't plan to start it until the baby's born, and I'm retired, but I'd like to write something about Zoe Hawkes. Not just Zoe, but...other people, people we've lost, people we've helped. I'm tired of writing about the bad guys. I want people to know about the most important part of this job." He'd already been communicating with Zoe's mother about it, and she was amenable to the idea.

[likemy_role]

"Do you want a crazy hormonal woman on your hands? Because that can happen anytime too." After such a long week it felt good to be able to tease and joke and relax so completely.

JJ ate slowly; it had been four days since she'd thrown up and she was hoping that phase of the pregnancy was over. Eating slowly was a good way to give herself time to really listen to him. "I think you're just the right person to do that. You'd treat them all with dignity."

[hell_ofa_thing]

"Hey, I'm not stupid," he bantered back. "I wouldn't' dream of getting between you and your chocolate, kitten."

He had a specialty box of truffles ready to slip into her desk on Monday. Just imagining her reaction made him smile.

He was glad that her stomach didn't appear to be rebelling at the moment. Knowing why it happened, and knowing that it was a natural part of pregnancy didn't make it any easier to accept it when she got sick to her stomach. He finished his pot roast and took a few sips of wine before speaking again.

"I like to think so," he murmured softly. And then he turned a little to face her. "So was there any particular reason you wanted it to just be us tonight?" He'd noticed right away that Henry wasn't around, and he had his suspicions as to why, which was why he hadn't broached the subject until now. If she decided to say no, he wanted them to at least have had a nice meal together before the pain her denial would cause.

"Not that I'm complaining," he added, with a soft smile, leaning in to kiss the corner of her mouth.

[likemy_role]

"Wise man." The first box of chocolates had come months before they's started dating. She'd been ignoring Valentine's Day; for the first time in four years she'd be spending it alone. When the day had come she'd opened her desk drawer to get out a pen and found her favorite chocolates waiting for her, a sticky note on top simply said 'enjoy.' They'd shown up with some regularity after that; she'd never caught him at it, but always knew they were from him. Since she'd been pregnant, though, a new supply always showed up when she was down to the last few.

She ate her food and drank her water (and most of the milk.) It was nice to enjoy a meal that wasn't rushed or where the conversation didn't revolve around a case. She wasn't surprised when he asked his question, though; Dave Rossi was a very curious man, and he didn't hide his curiosity often.

"You mean other then the fact that Garcia wanted to go see the Muppet movie that just came out?" She'd been the one to ask Garcia to watch Henry, but her friend had been enthusiastic even without knowing JJ's reasons for wanting time alone with Dave.

"We haven't had a chance to have talk this week, really. We need to..." Damn it. Apparently four days was just a reprieve; JJ barely made it to the bathroom in time before emptying most of her dinner into the toilet.

[hell_ofa_thing]

He counted to ten in his head before following her, wanting to give her a little space and breathing room before suddenly appearing in the doorway. He watched her, waiting until it seemed like she was done being sick, waited until she'd brushed her teeth, and then bathed her face gently with a warm washcloth.

He held her loosely, brushing a few strands of hair back from her forehead. "You wanna go lay down? Does your stomach feel a little better?"

[likemy_role]

"If I laid down every time I threw up I'd never get anything done. I'm fine, I'm just really ready for this side effect to be over." She leaned against him for a minute before heading to the kitchen and opening her ever present box of soda crackers.

"This kid of yours is messing up my plans for the evening, Dave." Her tone was sarcastic but the hand resting on her stomach was gentle. To be fair some of the nausea might be more nerve related then baby related.

[hell_ofa_thing]

He followed her with a curious look on his face.

"The evening's not over yet," he reasoned. "What are these plans?"

[likemy_role]

"This is so not how I'd planned on doing this. I had you all cosy and relaxed on the couch, and there was wine, and I was going to figure out a way to..." Her voice shook, and she closed her eyes to take a few deep breaths; she wasn't going to throw up again, damn it.

"This scares me, but I don't think waiting is going to make it any less scary, and as much as I feel like I'm in the dark with this I know I'm in the dark with you, and I have faith in you. In us." She was going to run out of air if she didn't take a breath soon. JJ reached into her cardigan pocket and took out the jewelry box she'd taken out of her bedside drawer when she'd gotten home earlier. "I'm botching this up. What I'm trying to say is that I want to spend my life with you."

[hell_ofa_thing]

He wasn't surprised that the subject of the proposal came up, though he'd been mentally preparing himself for her to say no. He'd hoped she'd say yes, of course, but her uncertainty had beget some uncertainty in him as well.

His eyes were just the slightest bit moist when he leaned forward to take her hands. He opened the jewelry box and took the ring out, and then pressed it gently against her palm when he held her hands.

"That's all I want, too," he responded huskily.

[likemy_role]

She'd been thinking about it for a week, and decided that the longer she waited the harder it was going to be to give him an answer, no matter what that answer was. It scared her and cofounded her and she still didn't know how she felt about marriage but she knew how she felt about him. this was important to him and he was important to her, and being with him was important to her. The rest they could figure out together.

She closed her eyes and listened to the beat of his heart in his chest, not noticing that her nausea had gone away. "You give me romance and flowers and a getaway retreat in Maine, I give you crackers and throwing up and barefoot in the kitchen. Not sure you're getting the best half of things, Dave," she joked self deprecatingly.

[hell_ofa_thing]

"And dinner and wine and you," he added with a little chuckle, moving closer to her. He slipped the ring onto her finger, pressing a delicate kiss to the knuckle. "Besides, I'm not really a flowers kinda guy."

His hands slipped lower to wrap around her waist, pulling her close to him.

"I know marriage scares you, and the fact that you're agreeing to this means everything to me. We don't need to rush into planning things," he assured her. Twenty years ago, he would've wanted to be married before the baby was born. But things were different. He didn't even feel the need to ensure it was a church wedding.

[likemy_role]

The ring was beautiful, flashing in the light of the kitchen as she rested her hand on his chest. She hadn't tried it on yet, not wanting to jinx anything, but it fit perfectly. She wasn't surprised; it was one of the little details he was so good at paying attention to.

"It does, but not as much as not having you in my life would scare me." She didn't mention the nightmare she'd had two nights ago, the details vague but the memory of him walking away and leaving her alone waking her in the middle of the night. She'd had a hard time falling asleep after that.

[hell_ofa_thing]

His arms tightened around her, an unconscious reflex at the mention of not having him in her life. He honestly didn't know how he would have reacted if she'd said no. Just the thought of it caused a great deal of pain, and it would be that much more intense if it had actually happened.

"I love you," he murmured against her hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. "Let's get out of the kitchen." He wanted to hold her, and he couldn't do that as effectively when they were standing up.

[likemy_role]

"We can go anywhere you want to go." JJ threaded her fingers through his. Now that she'd made her decision she felt lighter, the weight of not knowing lifted from her shoulders. She was scared and nervous, but having the question on her mind for a week had been exhausting, and the baby was exhausting enough. "Henry's spending the night with Garcia so it's just you and me for the rest of the evening."

[hell_ofa_thing]

He smiled, nodded, and led her upstairs to the master bedroom they shared.

"We could go anywhere, but I've got everything I need right here." His fingers explored her back lightly, brow furrowing. "If you put something a little more comfortable on, I'll take care of these knots."

[likemy_role]

"That sounds like a deal." She disappeared into the closet, hanging up her cardigan an slacks, putting her bra and socks in the hamper and the shirt in the pile of things to be taken to the dry cleaner. Every time she moved her hand she paused to take a look at the ring sparkling on her finger.

A minute later she came out of the closet. She'd considered one of her nightshirts, but considering that they'd just gotten engaged the evening seemed to call for something more, so instead she was wearing one of Dave's tuxedo shirts and nothing else but her underwear.

[hell_ofa_thing]

He'd stripped down to his silk boxers and a long-sleeved shirt, and was pulling a bottle of massage oil out of his dresser drawer when he turned and saw her. In nothing but one of his tuxedo shirts. God, she knew how to drive him wild.

He smiled coyly, not betraying too much of his arousal on his face.

"You look better in that thing than I do," he said appreciatively. He set the bottle of massage oil down, then stroked two fingers down her cheek, and began to slowly undo the buttons of the shirt. He'd need to take it off to massage her, after all.

[likemy_role]

"Maybe I should start wearing this to work, then." She spun in a circle before reaching him. "Whadda ya' think, SSA Rossi? Is this appropriate office attire?"

The last week had been so long that they'd fallen into bed exhausted each night, both here and in their hotel room, doing little more than holding each other and sharing a good night kiss. Tonight neither of them were that tired.

[hell_ofa_thing]

He undid the second button of the shirt, and smiled mischievously. "Only if you're wearing it in my office. With the blinds closed."

It was funny to think that months from now, he wouldn't have an office anymore, wouldn't be SSA Rossi anymore, and wouldn't see her as much as he did now. But all he wanted to focus on tonight was her. Them. He undid the third button, standing a little closer to her now, letting her feel the heat of his breath.